Amazing people...Amazing things

What an amazing weekend we had.  Saturday was a big day. 

Jaylene...a saint!

There is a wonderful woman in our ward named Jaylene Page.  She was baptized and went through the temple not too long ago.  She teaches in Relief Society and I always look forward to her lessons.  She is very humble and excited to learn all she can about the gospel. Well, this sweet lady came to us in August and asked if she could put together a fundraiser for our family to help off set medical costs. I have to say that its not always easy saying yes. My pride (I guess its my pride) wants to say no thanks. I feel uncomfortable in situations where I have to accept service.  Its humbling to be on the receiving end, but I guess thats a good thing.  I've learned a lot from the generosity of those around us. 

Anyway, when Jaylene came over, she said she had a bunch of ideas.  She wanted to do donation jars in businesses around town, and then have a boutique with a raffle and  vendors to earn money. She told us she would take care of everything and all we had to do was nothing...except come to the boutique if we could. Well, she had had the donation jars out during Sept. and Oct., and she sold canning funnels as a fundraiser, and she had tons of local businesses donate gift cards, and merchandise for the raffle.  She also had a lot of local people donate things for the raffle as well.  She charged $3 for one raffle ticket or $5 for 3. Then she had a lot of people sign up to come sell stuff (vendors for Scentsy candles, Pampered Chef, jewelry, craft and other homemade items).  She charged those people $30 dollars to participate and collected that money for us.  The response was HUGE to say the least.  When we went over there on Saturday morning I couldnt hardly restrain the tears.  There were so many vendors she had to move furniture out of her house!  The vendors filled her upstairs and down, and they even had a bunch outside.  The weather was beautiful and couldnt have been more perfect!  She had so many things donated for the raffle that they did give aways every half hour, and for a while every 15 minutes! It was so amazing, and so humbling, and so overwhelming that so many people would give of their time, and their talents, and their money (especially in these tougher economic times) to help our family.  I dont know how Im ever going to repay the kindness shown to us.  It will take a lifetime of service and I look forward to the task. The total money raised (so far, theres still more trickling in) was $2300! What an amazing response. What amazing people. If I could think of a word stronger than amazing that would be how I feel.  Tonight for family home evening we took her some dinner.  A small way to give back, but she seemed to appreciate it. Thank you Jaylene!

Carly out front...there are still more people setting up!

There are so many vendors out here I couldnt
get them all in one picture.

This is the other side of the yard...

Indeed there was...

You can see books on the right, jewelry in the
back, and the raffle stuff in the back left.



Hairbows and crafts on the left, avon to the right.
And then refreshments and a silent auction
around the corner.



The raffle prize table.

You really shouldnt have come with your counts so low,
but I wanted you to see all that people were doing for
you.  You were happy with a cup full of potato chips!

Alyssa getting some refreshment.

Even more downstairs..Alyssa was eyeing some bracelets.

They had the cutest aprons and bibs for sale!

You can see by your wrist that people were spoiling you!
The hat I bought for winter, but you love it so much you
havent hardly taken it off since.  You call it your piggy
tail hat cause its got two braids on the sides.( the
things your waving)

After we left the boutique we came home and rested for about an hour or so until Danielle and Ryan (daddys cousin and her hubby) showed up.  They were bringing 2 of their HUGE draft horses and a wagon over to give us a ride.  Also invited were Aunt Jamie and her kiddos, Lacey and her kiddos, Grammy and Grampy Shepherd, Great Grammy and Grampy Sanders, and Aunt Shelley. I sometimes forget how much you love animals!  It was so fun and you took right to Ryan and Danielle. They even let you sit up front and "drive the horses!" You were so excited, and thought you were pretty hot stuff.  It was so nice of them to go to all the trouble to bring the horses and wagon over so you could have a ride.  We were gone for about an hour long ride and had a good ol' time.  You didnt want Ryan and Danielle to go!  You've asked every day since when we can do that again. Hopefully soon! How did we get so blessed?! Seriously...We are surrounded by such good, kind, and giving people.  I dont know how we got so lucky!

You look so cute in your piggy tail hat!

You said you were bein a rockstar while you waited for
Danielle and Ryan to get the horses ready.

You got to pet the HUGE horses.

Too many people to fit in one picture!

Almost time to go...

"Im kinda nervous aunt shelley. Will you hold my hand?" You were
so funny, you kept playing with Shelleys hair, running your fingers through the back.

You riding up front...

You had so much fun...you can tell by those sleepy eyes!

Counts, Chemo, and Surgery...Oh My!

Well a lot has happened since my last entry, so Im going to divide what would be one really long post into two medium sized posts.

First of all it has been almost 3 weeks since you had chemo! What a difference 3 weeks can make! You look and act like your feeling better every day.  Your color is good. Your spirits are up, and you are riding your bike!! Woo Hoo! I love that! It makes me so happy when I get glimpses of the old WeeMee.  You definitely still tire easily, and you still have a good size appetite, but thats easy stuff!

Lunch outside with sissys...what a good day!

Your last chemo was on Sept. 30th. You were supposed to have the 7th off and then get chemo again on the 14th, but (to my complete shock) your counts had dropped!! They were 300 on the 7th (anything under 500 is considered extremely high risk for infection.), which was not surprising because the docs had warned us that that would happen.  However, they expected them to recover between the 7th and 13th so you could get chemo on the 14th. They needed to be 750. Your home health nurse, Scott, came and drew blood and said he'd fax the report once he got it. When he did I was totally surprised to see your counts had dropped to only 100!! When we broke the news that you werent going to have to go to clinic the next day... I dont think you could have been happier. I was disappointed though. I am so anxious to get this intense phase over with and behind us.  I hate always worrying if someone comes over that they are bringing in germs. I just found out Alyssas friend Abby is really sick with the pukies. She spends a lot of time over here. In fact she was here on Saturday, and at church with Alyssa on Sunday. Im making myself sick worrying that your gonna catch it and have to go in to the hospital.  If you get even just a cold with a fever...its an automatic few days in the hospital with your counts as low as they are. I dont want you, or I, to have to do that again.

Recently, daddy's cousin Lacey told me about a family that just found out their 9 year old has AML. Her chances arent so good as yours, and her cancer is a lot more aggressive.  I keep thinking about this poor family and cant help but cry.  How terrible a thing to have to face with a good prognosis like yours, but to have to face this knowing the odds are not in your favor...I dont think I could do it.  It says a lot about the strength of this family.  The Lord knows they can do it.  Whenever Im having a hard time I always think about how the Lord has promised us that we will face no trial we cannot overcome. I take great comfort in that... knowing that the Lord thinks I can do this. I hope the family of that little girl knows that too.  They have a long hard road ahead and my heart goes out to them. I will remember them in my prayers. 

It turned out good that you didnt get chemo for one reason.  We found out on the 12th that Alyssa had to get surgery on her foot!  We took her into the dr because she had a bump on her foot that wouldnt go away and was hurting her. Turns out it was a lipoma (a fatty tissue cyst) that had to be removed....on Thursday.  The same day you were scheduled for chemo.  Me and daddy decided he would go with you and I would stay with Alyssa. Weird to think he'd be at a surgery for you (another back poke) while I was at a surgery with Alyssa.  Amazing how everything works out.  Alyssa was a trooper and has bounced back with little to no pain.  I have such brave, tough kiddos.

We made her a Get Well poster and got her a present to
cheer her up...looks like it worked!

Ewwww...gross huh?

Tastey treats...

On a lighter, and funnier, note... you have been having some funny cravings.

Sooo sweet!

The other day you asked me if you and Ry could have some oreos. I said sure. Then you asked for some ranch to dip it in!?  I laughed and you covered your face and said, "Its gooood." I said, "how do you know?" You said, "well, it sounds good..."  Sounds logical to me.

I got you all set up and took this video....

Ry wanted to try. She said it was good but she didnt want any more ranch.  She'd just have more oreos.

I couldnt help but laugh...your so cute.  Its like you are embarassed to ask for food because you know your asking all the time, but you just cant help yourself cause your "sooo hungry."  We were watching a family show and you asked me for another snack.  I told you you just had dinner and you said, "but mom, I still have stewoids (steroids) in my body that makes me hungry..."

Bald IS beautiful!

I cant believe how hard this was. With all that we have been through these last 6 months, and knowing all along it would happen, it was still traumatizing. Well, it was for me... 

When I took your piggies out for the last time (for who knows how long) I really had to try hard not to cry in front of you.  I ran my fingers through your beautiful curls as you sat on my lap and I could smell your shampoo.  There were HUGE chunks of hair coming out in my hands! Id run my fingers through and have a handfull of hair in my hand. So Id set it in a pile on the couch and do it again.  The pile was huge. You wanted me to hold you on the porch.  Your back was hurting.  So to the porch we went. I just kept running my fingers through your hair and putting the hair in a pile. 

One of the many piles of hair.

We had talked about your hair that morning. I told you I thought we should shave it since it was coming out all over and sticking to your clothes and bedding and pretty much anything you touched. You said you wanted to have dad shave yours then you could shave dads (dad had already suggested that idea to you previously). So we planned on doing it that night. So, as we sat on the porch, you said you were ready, but you wanted Ry to come watch.  I though that was a good idea. I didnt want it to be a big surprise the first time she saw you, and I thought it was a way we could make it fun. It turned out to be a good decision.

When we went over to invite Ry you were basically bald on the top of your head. When Ry came to the door she looked at you and didnt even seem to notice. She said, "McKall your hair!" Then right after that, "Come see my new bunkbeds!"  So you went in and saw the bunkbeds...all the while me and Angie were struggling to fight back tears and hold it together.  You and Ry talked and played like you always do.  So, we headed back home and got everything set up for the shaving. 

Bye Bye ponytail!

You can see how bald you were on the top
before we even started.  I only cut off the back...
I cut nothing off the top!

This is what it looked like from the back once
we cut the ponytail off.  You can really see
how much it had thinned. 

You sat up on the stool and we wrapped you in a sheet.  Then I cut off the long hair and dad started to shave.  You did awesome at first, but then started to have a hard time.  You were really tired, and your back was hurting, and you just wanted to be done. But, as usual, you were One Tough Chick and hung in there. 

Let the shaving begin!

What a trooper! Cant believe how tough you are!

Oh how I love that smile!

You couldnt be in better hands...Daddys a pro!

Starting to have a hard time. You were itchy, and tired, and
your back hurt! Poor kiddo.

Ry was awesome!  She kept asking me if I'd shave her head! She said, "Lea, I really wanna be twinners with Mckall. Please shave my head, Lea, please!"  You said, "Ry, you cant ask MY mom, you have to ask YOURS!" She kept asking over and over again...it was cute, and made you feel more special than self conscious . Your sisters were interesting to watch too.  I told them before hand to be positive with you and not let you see if they were upset or didnt like how you looked.  Alyssa was very sweet with you and kept telling you how cute you looked.  Carly couldnt even watch.  She held it together until you were in the shower then started to cry when I asked if she was ok.  She didnt like it for the same reason I didnt.  It is a very visual and constant reminder of how sick you are.  

You are very mature for your age. I wish I knew exactly how your process all that you have to deal with. It was like you were sad...like you had just lost a good friend.  Like you knew it was going to happen, but were a little depressed when it did. You're amazing. Once you were done your sad mood instantly turned around when it was your turn to shave daddy.  It was a good time and Ry was really jealous by then!  She wanted to be "twinners with kall and Jake!"

I helped, just a little..

If you have to be bald, be bald with daddy!

Your back was really hurting you by this point. You can
tell by the way your standing.

After the haircut it was bath time and you felt much better.  You were hungry and wanted some pepperonis and so we caved and let you have some in bed.  You are so beautiful, even without hair.

You got all the hair off in the shower, and now your
getting "soaked" in my bath salts.

Mmmmm....pepperonis!

Since then (the last 2 days), you've made several comments about how you dont like being bald.  You ask me "how many more weeks till my hair grows back?"  I try to keep it positive though.  This morning after we got you dressed I said, "Lucky you! You dont have to go get your hair done! You are all ready, already!"  You seemed to like that thought.  Like it makes you special, cause all  the rest of us girls in the house have to endure a hairdo and you dont! Most of the time you dont seem to notice, but every once in a while you make comments about it. Im sure it will get easier as you get used to it. 

Neighbor Ali gave you this shirt...it says "Super Girl Power"
Perfect for my little trooper.

In the mean time Ive tried to keep you relatively busy and distracted.  We took grammy to meet grampy at the airport Wed then came home and worked on your preschool book.  You did an awesome job learning to write and recognize the letter A.  You also have been watching a lot of cartoons and reading a lot of books.  I hate to see you feeling so blah...



Your hands were shakey while you practiced your A's.
I dont like that.



A delicious "little toast" and pepperoni sandwich
is always a good distraction!

You told me that since you cant marry dad when you grow up,
youre gonna marry Tucker. I didnt have the heart to tell you
hes off limits too!

In other news...your home health nurse (Scott) came over and drew some blood today. You looked very different from the last time he saw you!  You have the steroid puffiness, and no hair! Im sure it was a shock to him, but he did a good job of hiding it.  Hes very mellow and I think thats calming to you .  You seem to like him.  You did good as usual, and he faxed me a copy of your labs. Your counts are down even more.  Your ANC is only 300, but surprisingly your blood and platelet levels looked good.  We just have to hope we can continue to keep you fever free, and get your counts up to at least 750 by next Wednesday when they draw labs again.  They wont do chemo on Thursday if you dont make counts.  Im ready to get this phase over with and hope there are no delays.

Bald is DEFINATELY beautiful!

A lot can change in a 4 days...

Yikes. Its been a rough last few days.  Its been hard to watch you go so rapidly down hill.  Truth be told...I hate it.

You are amazing how well you deal with how crappy you feel.  You have dark circles under your eyes, you're emotional, your HUNGRY, and your tired.  You want to play with friends, but dont feel well enough to play for more than an hour, and you're only playing quietly in your room.  Not riding bikes, or jumping on tramps.  Just Barbies, or books, or cartoons, or kitchen. Mostly books.



Dr Seuss was a genius!





"Read it one more time grandma!"

Ry came over and you had some fun. You were the doctor and Ry was your patient. She lay on your bed and let you "access her port" with all your new doctor stuff.  You followed all the right steps again and Ry was excited to have a port and tubey like "kall".  I am so grateful for your little friend Ry.  She has been a blessing from heaven to you and our family.  She is so patient with you when you are having a hard time, and you are both fiercely loyal to one another.  She just "gets" you and you seem to "get" her.  I know her friendship has been a good source of comfort and distraction to you these past few months. You two are amazing friends...its been fun to watch you grow up together. The other day I found you on your bed in tears cause you had gone to see if Ry was home and she wasnt. It was sad and sweet how sad you were.  You cried like you had a broken heart.


You have her plugged in and are
taking blood





Now its chemo time..

The steroid appetite has returned in full force.  Yesterday you had 5 pieces of "little toast" (sourdough bread toasted) just for breakfast and 3 for lunch.  Today you had a whopping 7 pieces of toast for breakfast!  Not to mention you have been through 3 bags of pepperonis in the last 4 days!!  Youre obsessed.  You follow me around saying "I sure love pepperonis mom, can i have more pepperonis please...just 4 more" so then I give you four and you say "i dont think that was 4 mom, I want more." I hate feeding you such garbage food, but the docs say to let you eat whatever you want because you wont eat anything once the steroid wears off. You only have 2 more days left.  Then it usually takes a week or 2 for the side effects to go away.  I have mixed feelings.  Your cheeks are puffier again, not as big as before, but bigger than the last few weeks for sure.  So is your belly.  


"Little toast"...your 10th piece in
one day!




Pepperonis...4 is never enough!




Add water, and its a complete meal
as far as you are concerened!

 You're so tired too.  You fall asleep a lot..probably taking 3 or 4 small naps a day.  Sometimes you just go lay on your bed and stare off into space.  I wonder what your thinking. When I ask you, you say you dont know.  I wish I did.  Id love to know whats going on in that little mind of yours.



Random nap...



Random nap #2



Random nap #3




Random nap #4

 Hair is everywhere. More and more comes out each day.  It seems like it gets worse by the minute. Today when we were in the shower I had to keep pulling hair off the drain cause it was keeeping the water from draining. Then when we did your hair we filled up the sink 3 times.  I had to keep cleaning out the brush and comb.  You told me in the shower you wanted me to straighten your hair. I told you that your hair might come out a lot if we did. Since you have beautiful curls we have to straighten your hair with a round brush, and I was afraid you'd be bald by the time we were done.  You had your heart set on it, and I couldnt say no. Today was probably the last time I'll get to straighten your hair for a few years...well, at least until its long enough to do it again.  You still have a lot in the back, but the top and sides are rapidly disappearing.  We had some errands today. Grandma DeSoto was with us, and since you couldnt go into any stores, me and grammy took turns waiting in the car while the other ran in. Me and you were waiting in the van while grammy was in the distribution center today.  It was kind of a rainy day and there was a breeze so we had the windows down.  You sat next to me in  the front seat and we played "I Spy".  Your cute sweater was covered with hair. You said, "heres some of my hair mom" and passed me a chunk.  We started pulling hair off your sweater and off the seats and letting it go out in the breeze.  It was kind of mesmerizing watching your hair blow away in the wind.  We had a good time. When I looked up there was a lady in the car facing us (she was waiting for her hubby) and she was watching us with a strange look on her face.  I wonder what she must have thought about all that hair flying out the windows...



Your hair sticks to my hands when I wash
it. I have to keep wiping it on the side of
the tub.




The camera doesnt pick up how much hair this
is. Its a lot more hair than it looks like.







Collected from your pillow.




Cant hide your hair loss anymore by parting
it differently. Too far gone.

 I kind of had a breakdown the other afternoon.  Not in front of you, just dad.  I was getting ready for the day and your big sisters kept coming in asking me for things, and Tucker started to cry, and  I was already worrying about you.  I  held it together, but your amazing daddy always seems to know.  He came in my room to check on me and I just started to cry.  I sometimes wonder how I can be a good mom to all of you and meet everyones needs...especially yours. Its hard.  Dad did his best to reassure me and make me feel like I do a good job.  Hes a good daddy...I hope you know what a blessing it is to have someone so in tune with his family.  I am so grateful for him.  Hes my best friend.  Hes my rock, and I know hes yours too.  Sometimes when you dont feel good you take it out on him.  You can be short and mean, and physical, but I know its only cause you know you it safe.  You can take it out on daddy and he'll always love you no matter what.  Hes the most amazing man you'll ever know. You have been blessed and so have I.

Our hero...(daddy, not the horse!)