Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bald IS beautiful!

I cant believe how hard this was. With all that we have been through these last 6 months, and knowing all along it would happen, it was still traumatizing. Well, it was for me... 

When I took your piggies out for the last time (for who knows how long) I really had to try hard not to cry in front of you.  I ran my fingers through your beautiful curls as you sat on my lap and I could smell your shampoo.  There were HUGE chunks of hair coming out in my hands! Id run my fingers through and have a handfull of hair in my hand. So Id set it in a pile on the couch and do it again.  The pile was huge. You wanted me to hold you on the porch.  Your back was hurting.  So to the porch we went. I just kept running my fingers through your hair and putting the hair in a pile. 

One of the many piles of hair.
We had talked about your hair that morning. I told you I thought we should shave it since it was coming out all over and sticking to your clothes and bedding and pretty much anything you touched. You said you wanted to have dad shave yours then you could shave dads (dad had already suggested that idea to you previously). So we planned on doing it that night. So, as we sat on the porch, you said you were ready, but you wanted Ry to come watch.  I though that was a good idea. I didnt want it to be a big surprise the first time she saw you, and I thought it was a way we could make it fun. It turned out to be a good decision.

When we went over to invite Ry you were basically bald on the top of your head. When Ry came to the door she looked at you and didnt even seem to notice. She said, "McKall your hair!" Then right after that, "Come see my new bunkbeds!"  So you went in and saw the bunkbeds...all the while me and Angie were struggling to fight back tears and hold it together.  You and Ry talked and played like you always do.  So, we headed back home and got everything set up for the shaving. 

Bye Bye ponytail!

You can see how bald you were on the top
before we even started.  I only cut off the back...
I cut nothing off the top!

This is what it looked like from the back once
we cut the ponytail off.  You can really see
how much it had thinned. 
You sat up on the stool and we wrapped you in a sheet.  Then I cut off the long hair and dad started to shave.  You did awesome at first, but then started to have a hard time.  You were really tired, and your back was hurting, and you just wanted to be done. But, as usual, you were One Tough Chick and hung in there. 

Let the shaving begin!

What a trooper! Cant believe how tough you are!

Oh how I love that smile!

You couldnt be in better hands...Daddys a pro!

Starting to have a hard time. You were itchy, and tired, and
your back hurt! Poor kiddo.
Ry was awesome!  She kept asking me if I'd shave her head! She said, "Lea, I really wanna be twinners with Mckall. Please shave my head, Lea, please!"  You said, "Ry, you cant ask MY mom, you have to ask YOURS!" She kept asking over and over was cute, and made you feel more special than self conscious . Your sisters were interesting to watch too.  I told them before hand to be positive with you and not let you see if they were upset or didnt like how you looked.  Alyssa was very sweet with you and kept telling you how cute you looked.  Carly couldnt even watch.  She held it together until you were in the shower then started to cry when I asked if she was ok.  She didnt like it for the same reason I didnt.  It is a very visual and constant reminder of how sick you are.  

You are very mature for your age. I wish I knew exactly how your process all that you have to deal with. It was like you were you had just lost a good friend.  Like you knew it was going to happen, but were a little depressed when it did. You're amazing. Once you were done your sad mood instantly turned around when it was your turn to shave daddy.  It was a good time and Ry was really jealous by then!  She wanted to be "twinners with kall and Jake!"

I helped, just a little..

If you have to be bald, be bald with daddy!

Your back was really hurting you by this point. You can
tell by the way your standing.
After the haircut it was bath time and you felt much better.  You were hungry and wanted some pepperonis and so we caved and let you have some in bed.  You are so beautiful, even without hair.

You got all the hair off in the shower, and now your
getting "soaked" in my bath salts.

Since then (the last 2 days), you've made several comments about how you dont like being bald.  You ask me "how many more weeks till my hair grows back?"  I try to keep it positive though.  This morning after we got you dressed I said, "Lucky you! You dont have to go get your hair done! You are all ready, already!"  You seemed to like that thought.  Like it makes you special, cause all  the rest of us girls in the house have to endure a hairdo and you dont! Most of the time you dont seem to notice, but every once in a while you make comments about it. Im sure it will get easier as you get used to it. 

Neighbor Ali gave you this says "Super Girl Power"
Perfect for my little trooper.
In the mean time Ive tried to keep you relatively busy and distracted.  We took grammy to meet grampy at the airport Wed then came home and worked on your preschool book.  You did an awesome job learning to write and recognize the letter A.  You also have been watching a lot of cartoons and reading a lot of books.  I hate to see you feeling so blah...

Your hands were shakey while you practiced your A's.
I dont like that.

A delicious "little toast" and pepperoni sandwich
is always a good distraction!

You told me that since you cant marry dad when you grow up,
youre gonna marry Tucker. I didnt have the heart to tell you
hes off limits too!
In other news...your home health nurse (Scott) came over and drew some blood today. You looked very different from the last time he saw you!  You have the steroid puffiness, and no hair! Im sure it was a shock to him, but he did a good job of hiding it.  Hes very mellow and I think thats calming to you .  You seem to like him.  You did good as usual, and he faxed me a copy of your labs. Your counts are down even more.  Your ANC is only 300, but surprisingly your blood and platelet levels looked good.  We just have to hope we can continue to keep you fever free, and get your counts up to at least 750 by next Wednesday when they draw labs again.  They wont do chemo on Thursday if you dont make counts.  Im ready to get this phase over with and hope there are no delays.
Bald is DEFINATELY beautiful!


  1. Lea, wow. What a beautiful girl you have. You are so strong. This makes my heart hurt. What an amazing experience you and your family is going through. The part about Carly crying was touching to me. I love how you write all the details out. I wish we could be there, at the same rate, it's a good thing we're not. (Kids and germs), (lots of heart strings being tugged!!!).
    Love you lots. Way to be, Lea. And Jake, and Alyssa and Carly, and adorable Tucker. McKall, you look beautiful with your bald head. You are beautiful no matter what.

  2. Shylee said " she's brave and know she looks just like our daddy!" You both are amazing parents, I think about you all the time. I have a hard time reading this and keeping it together, my kids keep asking me why I'm crying. I don't know how you do it everyday. I don't think Mckall is the only "tough chick" in that house! We love you all

  3. Bald is beautiful! I agree with Lacy you guys are all so strong, I look up to you a lot. Oh and by the way tucker is huge!

  4. Lauren and I watched your video and we both started to cry..You know me I don't cry but I did this time..How sweet it is that McKall and Jake will be both bald...What a bonding time for them...They are both cute! oh sorry Jake I mean Handsome and Cute...We love you all..We are here if you need us. Marlene

  5. I love that Jake shaved his head too! You two are such amazing parents and I know having you makes this process bareable for McKall. Tell her she is the most beautiful blad chick I've ever seen! =) Love you and miss you!