Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Happy Birthday Wee-mee!

Its been a week since my last entry and a lot has happened. The night you went to the circus dad and I stayed up late putting your birthday present together (a play kitchen). When we got it done we snuck it into your room while you were asleep so you would wake up to it.  It was fun.  I love giving you and your sisters gifts! The anticipation nearly kills me every time.

The cutest kitchen ever! You were super excited!
Birthday morning came and I had to wake you up early cause it was chemo day too. (I know...lame bday present).  Waking you up is a delicate thing...especially on steroids.  We never know if you're gonna wake up whining and crying, or happy, or worse.  So, all of us (mom, dad and sissys) snuck into your room and i started to rub your back.  You grunted an onry grunt and I said "happy birthday, birthday girl!", in the hope that it would cheer you did (thank heaven). You shot straight up in bed with a big smile and we all sang Happy Birthday. Then you rubbed your eyes and did a little double take at the sight of the brand new kitchen in your was cute.  You said, "is that mine?" We said "of course!" and you ran over to it! Luckily you were in a good mood cause I told you it was almost time to go to clinic and you had to come eat your breakfast. You had requested cinnamon rolls, so thats what you got and they were a good start to the day.  I could tell you were still pretty sleepy.

Once we were on our way to the clinic you quickly fell back asleep.  I was a little usually dont fall asleep on the way cause of all the anticipation. You were unusually shy that day.  You had wanted to bring treats to share with everyone at clinic (like sissys do at school on bdays) so I bought a bag of candy so you could pass it out.  Once we were there you didnt feel like talking and you were a little shy to share your candy. Mom and dad passed it out for you.  You really had a hard time when it was time to get plugged in.  You were nervous I guess.  I think its the steroid. It makes all your emotions more intense and so I think the usual nervousness and anxiety felt a lot more intense.  You struggled and I felt bad. Once you were plugged in you were ok, but still very shy and quiet.

After you had received all your chemo, and we were ready to leave, all your doctors and nurses came out and sang you happy birthday and gave  you a present! It was sooo nice of them, and made you feel very special.  You were so excited about your gift too! It was a little toy horse named Abby Apaloosa! You said, "I've always wanted one of these kinda horses! Its like Deuce daddy!" It was super cute.  You were totally excited....we had to open up the box right there. I am so bummed I didnt have the camera because it was pretty special.

The rest of the day was pretty low key. Daddy told you hed take you anywhere you wanted for lunch and you said you wanted to drive straight home and have a "cheesy tilla" (tortilla) and play with Ry in your new kitchen. So straight home we went.  You picked up Ry as soon as we got home and played all afternoon.  By the time it was dinner time you were exhausted.  I told you, you could pick anything you wanted for dinner and you picked "chicken tacos with beans" which was actually bean burritos, but for some reason you always call them "chicken tacos with beans." You ate really well but got more and more emotional and upset with each passing minute. You didnt wanna go to Carlys soccer game, so I stayed home with you. I offered to take you to ice cream but you declined.  You said you just wanted to lay on the couch and watch cartoons.  I knew you werent feeling well...who turns down ice cream on their bday?

Saturday night we had a little bday get together with Ry, and Aunt Heather and Uncle AJ, and their kids, and Aunt April and Roland.  It was fun. We did dinner, then presents, then goody bags, then cake and ice cream.  You got a cute new Barbie and a dress-up that matches your Barbies dress, and  Ry got you a bunch of little of which was an air horn! I had to take that one away after 5 minutes cause it got to be a little much and all the adults were getting headaches!  You went to bed that night worn out, but happy.

I cant believe my baby's 4!

Presents are the coolest!

Sunday was your Primary Program!  You did such an awesome job.  Your part was the First Article of Faith and you said it perfectly. Grammy and Grampy Shepherd, and even Uncle Josh and Conrad came to see. It was such a good meeting.  There wasnt a dry eye in the room during the closing hymn, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives". You and your sisters did an awesome job.

Sunday night we had dinner at Grammy Shepherds and celebrated your bday with all of the Shepherd side of the family.  You had a lot of fun playing with cousins and opening presents.  You got spoiled by everyone...and loved every minute of it.  Im so grateful you were feeling up to it.

Looking back over this past week I have noticed a bunch of things.

One: You are amazing! How can you be doing so well? Well, I know how. Through the many faithful prayers of all who have prayed for you during this time.  I have been overwhelmed by the number of people who say they are keeping you (and us) in their prayers. I also know of at least 4 people who weekly put your name on the prayer roll in the temple. I know that through this combined force of prayer, you have been blessed.... a lot....and so have I.   

Two: Your an animal! You never stop moving.  My previous thoughts about your ability to judge your strength and adjust your activity level may have been spoken a bit too soon.  After watching you overdo it these last few days I've decided I need to intervene.  Today (Wednesday), there WILL be a nap, and you WILL be taking it easy....whether you like it or not.

Three: The steroids are working... Ive decided I hate steroids.  I hope that it works the way they say it does cause I HATE what it does to my little girl.  The last few days have been pretty busy. Lots of coming and going, and you've been playing with your friends a lot.  Which I thought was good, but the effect it has on your sleep is more than I think I can deal with.  Last night was the worst. You woke up throwing a fit.  I had just gotten up with Tucker, and you were whining and I told you (like I had many times) that if you need me at night you need to call for me nicely and I will come. I told you (like I always do) that I WILL NOT come in when you are screaming and throwing a fit. So, after I told you this I took Tucker in my room to feed him, and not 2 minutes after I started, you started in on a whopper of a fit.  There was nothing I could do.  I was aleady holding Tucker while he nursed so I couldnt yell for you to mellow out till I was done or it would have startled him.  I also didnt think youd hear me through your screams so I did my best to tune it out, but I was pretty sure the neighbors could hear you!  Dad went in and tried to calm you down but you lost it even more...screaming that you only wanted me.  Dad told you multiple times I was feeding Tucker and you'd have to wait, but that info fell on deaf ears.  Once Tucker finished I went to your door and told you I wouldnt come in till you calmed down.  You instantly started to try to calm down, but it took a minute. I went in and talked to you...turns out that whole fit was because you had to go potty!  There were a couple others like it (but not as loud) last night, and I thought the night would never end.  Its so hard to know how to handle these "outbursts" when they are not your fault.  I have to hold you accountable for your behavior and let you know that it is NOT ok to scream and yell and throw fits and be mean,  (and try to help you cope)  but at the same time, I hate to get upset with you about something you cant control. And when its happening, you are clearly out of control.  I cant wait till your off these drugs...only 27 more months!

and Fourth:  I have been so blessed!  When the girls got their back-to-school blessings dad gave you and I one too.  In my blessing he blessed me that I would be able to get by on whatever sleep I was able to get. Whether it was 2 hours or 12.  I have seen that blessing fulfilled.  Over the last 2 weeks your sleeping has gotten more and more difficult. I never know how the night will go, but every morning I wake up ok. I wont say Im doing cartwheels out of bed, but I always have enough energy to accomplish all that I need to during the day. I dont even feel like I need a nap in the afternoon! And anyone who knows me knows Im a woman who not only NEEDS her sleep, I want it.  So the fact that I can make it through the day after a night like last night is something  to celebrate! I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who builds us up and makes us strong enough too bare the burdens that are placed upon our shoulders.  With His help, I know now that I can do anything.

As I write this, you are sound asleep on your bed.  Thats something to celebrate too! Another clinic day tomorrow...better rest up.
How can anyone be mad at this little girl!?

1 comment:

  1. Hi

    You dont know me, but I am a friend of Ali and Josh. I hope its ok that I am commenting on your blog.. feel free to delete it if you want! Anyway, I have been keeping up with your story and read all your new posts. I have to tell you that I cry.. no SOB, every time I read it. Even just the smallest things. Like your little sweetie just wanting tacos for dinner on her birthday. She seems like such an amazing little girl. I have a daughter too, and I always picture how it would be if I were in your shoes and I dont know if I could handle it half as well as you! I truly admire you and your darling family and especially your sweet McKall. I have prayed for you guys and will keep you in my prayers. From one mother to another, I truly wish your family the very best!! Good luck and thank you so much for sharing your story.